On road to the transformation of men

by Kavira Linda

I am Kavira Linda, an activist fighting for the promotion of gender equality. This research has proven to me that we still have a big work to do with men who are potential perpetrators of violence. They must be sensitized to engage in the promotion of gender equality so that we are just a world without violence.

During our visits of collecting data, more than 80% of women I met lost desire to be a wife in a household from the violence they suffer every day. They have no way out because our retrograde customs, that; on one hand encourages a man in this violent state, and on the other hand, a woman has nowhere to take refuge at, because this situation has been lived by her mother and her grandmother.  Brief, this situation creates frustrations to almost all women in their area, and it makes them vulnerable.

More than 80% of the households I visited, women alone take care of all the expenses of the house and a man is just there taking alcohol, having prostitutes and making children that he does not know how to take care of.

There is an example of two couples I met,

In one couple, a man was only waiting for his wife to work (she was a baggage carrier at the market) to provide for the house needs. As her job was very hard, it affected her health, she was suffering from acute dysmenorrhea (known as painful periods or menstrual cramps, a pain during menstruation) from which when she was in those menstrual periods she could not work.

So, the whole household was affected and her husband seeing this in his irresponsible state, he abandoned the house at his sad fate. He came back to the house when he learns that his wife has returned to work and if she is not sick, that she is back on finding something to live on.

If by misfortune she did not find something to eat at the return of the husband, he’s going to hit his wife to death saying what kind of a wife she is, who do not know how to get by for her husband’s survival, if she cannot fend like other women.

This situation made the woman stressed, she no longer has the joy of living with her husband because she confessed that she has already taken contraceptives without informing her husband as the suffering surpasses her.

The funny thing in all as the woman said is, while her family is falling apart because of bad behaviours of her husband, when they both receive advice from other households, they afterwards find harmony and wait.

Another couple of people already advanced in age, but the father lives a delayed adolescence because according to his behaviour which destabilizes even his children to the point, they feel in the obligation of covering the errors of their father because seeing him, you can believe that they are lying about his personality.

The father is apparently wise, but according to the reality in his house he is qualified irresponsible, for when his wife asks him to make efforts to helping her in the field work, he says he is very sick and does not see why he could participate in this work because he will soon die that he will not even be alive at the time of harvest for consuming these products.

Meanwhile the same man claiming to be sick is feeding other women and these women want him to incarcerate his wife. To silence these women, the family is obliged to take their earned economy and use it to cover the mistakes of their father who, in the meantime bring nothing to the family.I ask all institutions working in positive masculinity to continue to work hard and work together because there is still work to be done and change is a process.

Man is not born violent and therefore if he finds a sufficient, effective accompaniment he can always change and become a role model man, an ideal man, a promoter of peace in his family.